In Which Stubbornness Is a Virtue

I’m still “not eating some things“. It’s been since Labor Day, and I don’t think I’ve cheated once. I suspect that some steamed veggies at a restaurant had some butter on them, but that’s the closest I’ve come.

I find that not fussing about it helps. I don’t want to evangelize or solicit opinions. I just want to keep going. I’ve also found some good places for helpful food:

• Larabars are my crack. Raw, fresh, simple, unsweetened and deeelicious.
• Vital Choice fish is wild-caught and sustainable. Yum.
• U.S. Wellness meat and poultry is sustainable, organic, free-range, and hormone- and antibiotic-free. (The poultry is fabulous; obviously I haven’t had the meat.)

Note: None of them have given me anything. I just love their stuff.

But while I’m proud of the commitment I’ve kept and happy with how I’m feeling, I have to admit that I’ve been really frustrated lately. I’m averaging nine hours a week working out. Obviously, I’m eating carefully. It’s not painful or awful, but it is honestly a lot of effort…. and I’m not seeing a lot of results. And that is getting to me.

I mean, let’s be clear: I’ve never liked the way I look. I hide it pretty well, but the few times I’ve admitted how just how self-conscious I was, the people I’ve explained it to have found it hard to fathom. It’s almost paralyzing sometimes. And I understand that sometimes it’s been much more worry than was deserved. But now, it’s not like I’m fussed about 5 pounds one way or another, or one skirt I can’t get into. I literally don’t recognize myself in photographs. Things just ain’t right.

I’m the furthest away from where I’d like to be that I’ve ever been. So I’m working harder on it than I ever have. I’m not giving up. But God, would it be great to see some progress.