“see the sun rising off the shores of Thailand”

A justification for why I am *this* happy Survivor 5 (Thailand!) is on its way. Other than the boatload of hotties with which CBS has stacked the deck. (Thank you, Mark Burnett.)

(Incidentally, there is and will be no justification offered for my quoting of “Can I Get A…” I like Jay-Z, I like that whole album, and anyways I couldn’t think of another relevant quote. So deal with my whiteness all by your own selves.)

So anyways. The joy that is Survivor. Wherefore?

It’s partly the beaten-to-death concept of prime-time TV as voyeuristic opportunity. It’s partly the game-show concept of rooting for someone (or, if you’re vicious like that, of second-guessing someone). But mostly it’s the other-ness of it.

I don’t give a damn for Big Brother. Or Real World. Or Sorority Girls Locked in a House, or Famous People Risk Death, or whatever.

Survivor gets me because it’s so far away. I love traveling – I don’t much care where – and I’d love to go where these people go. They get a bye from life for a few months. No bills, no chores, no commute, no alarm clock – just the basics: relationships and existence. It sounds wonderful, and I would snap it up in a second. I just don’t want to frolic for middle America in my bikini.

I love that Survivor is more than that. It’s the surprises in paradise. Beautiful sunny beaches, palm trees, great tans, muscles – but they’re starving and being eaten up by bugs and stiff from sleeping on rocks.

Survivor puts the “oh, YEAH?” in Utopia.

And that’s why I love it. Because I want paradise, but I want it to be real. And if there aren’t a few bugs and rocks, it won’t be real.

To see the contestants: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor5/
To get the most amusing recap conversation ever, once the season starts: http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show.cgi?show=47