Damn the Man

Except when The Man is what stands between you and a job. And last week, The Man was me.

We didn’t promote a truly amazing person fast enough, so she left, which sucks. So we’re interviewing to replace her.

And there’s one girl that I want to email, but I’m afraid it would not go over well, or be legal or appropriate or whatever, so I’ll just offer three comments here for general edification purposes.

1. Your portfolio has to be perfect. 100%. No mistakes. Yes, I love writing and you do too and that’s why you love this kind of work. Yes yes, very touching. But you know what else I’m good at? Editing. And speed reading. And multitasking. So when we are casually chatting and I flip through your portfolio as we are talking, I really am reading it. And when I see “penile code” instead of “penal code” (I wish I were kidding), you are sunk. Done. However, that won’t matter if you have already knocked yourself out of the running. So I didn’t even mention this to any of the other interviewers because I didn’t want to embarrass you. You were already out because – well, keep reading.
2. You have to be on time. I’m always late, I get it. But it’s just not an option on an interview. Drive the route the day before. Leave an hour early. Whatever. If you’re 45 minutes late, you’ve screwed yourself. But again, that probably won’t matter either, if – well, one more thing.
3. For the love of God, make your social profiles private. I’m not saying don’t have one, but don’t make personal ones public. And make your profile picture innocuous. Make sure that what we’ll find online from searches of your name or your email is professional – or not there at all. Because we will find it, and we will make fun of it, and you’ll be out before you even start because you allowed us to know way too much about you.

She was smart and nice and articulate, and does deserve a good job, but she’s not getting one here. Sigh.