Sarah Morgan
The year is three-quarters over. How in the actual hell, people. Seriously.
My three previous posts about goals (1 – 2 – 3) have been super-specific, but this time I’m just not feeling that. So. Quick and dirty. Here we go.
1. Become healthier.
Let’s get this one done first. On the one hand – physically, I feel great, I’m stronger, and I just noticed that I’m two sizes smaller than the clothes I’ve been trying to wear (which is quite a nice thing to notice). There’s miles to go, of course, but I’m happy. (Even when Coach Dan gives me heavier weights when I’m not looking.)
And yet – I have a whole-body scan next week. It’s to see how June’s treatment succeeded. That means a few things: the weird low-iodine diet, blood work, Thyrogen shots, a radiation pill, a scan, more blood work. It isn’t so bad – mostly it’s just cumbersome to plan around. But mentally, it gets to me. Test time forces me to wait and think, and so it makes me focus on a part of my life that I hate. I’m bitter about it. I’m terrified of it. And now and then, when it gets so in-my-face, I break. I go into a panic spiral and my brain gets stuck on a loop of worst-case scenarios. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. It’s humiliating. But there’s nothing to do but press on. Better moods reappear eventually.
2. Become a better CrossFitter.
Cheerfuller stuff here. Progress. I don’t know if I’ll hit every goal number this year, but I’m pleased with how I’m doing. Now, to keep it up.
3. Become a better martial artist.
I decided not to test for my third dan next month. That decision throws off a rhythm of nine years, but I’m not going to keep going as if I deserve it, because I don’t. It’s had to take a back seat over the last six months, and I hate the expression “it is what it is,” but that’s the reality of the situation. I’m not pleased about it, but I know I’ll get my rhythm back eventually.
4. Become a better runner.
Meh? I’m getting marginally faster, but I’m not focusing on this or putting mileage in.
5. Become more flexible.
This is coming along. Hot yoga and mobility work. But anything will, when your friends pressure you into putting in the time!
6. Become a better freelancer.
7. Become safer financially.
Also coming along. I’m more prolific, I’m diversifying, and I think I might be on sturdier financial ground than in July. I have some math to do over the next few days, before I can say for sure. But, while I’m not out of the woods, I’m starting to think I can see the light through them.
8. Become a better human.
9. Be more creative.
10. Be more fun.
Looking at these last three, it seems like a good time for a little refresher on goal-setting.
Project management 101: when you set a goal it should be S.M.A.R.T.: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely.
When your goals don’t have these five attributes they are NOT HELPFUL. AS I KNOW VERY WELL. WAY TO SET GOALS, SELF. UGH.
So… who knows. This year I haven’t saved a life or made a masterpiece or explored a new country. I don’t know if I’m progressing toward these goals at all, really.
They’re all about being brave, when it comes down to it, aren’t they? Often I don’t do the brave thing. Or I try, and bungle it desperately.
But I think I’ve been trying to figure out better what makes me tick… trying to be more loving and vulnerable… trying to do the things that feel right. And that’s all I’ve got.
