Sarah Morgan
After April 30, this will be the only thyroid I can have.
I’ve seen a couple of the best thyroid-cancer doctors in the world. Keeping me safe, making me cancer-free, minimizing side effects, ensuring that recovery will be as smooth as possible: there don’t seem to be better people than the ones I’m talking to.
I’m going with the second doctor I saw – I’d expected to just go for a confirming opinion, but much preferred him. He and his staff seemed warmer and more communicative, and he seemed more cautious and thoughtful in his approach. Also, comfortingly, he specializes in plastic/reconstructive surgery in addition to thyroid cancer surgery, so he’s got an extra professional stake in making me look as non-frightening as possible.
So. I am booked for April 30 at Penn.
Both facilities and doctors are brilliant. My insurance is excellent. This type of cancer has one of the highest cure rates. I have amazing people in my life who are positive and supportive.
I am spoiled for choice and incredibly, incredibly fortunate.
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I’m not going to lie, though. I am focusing on goodness the majority of the time. But the other maybe quarter of the time, this sucks. Even though I know I’m in a best-case scenario.
I have pockets of being a straight mess. It depends on the day. Or the minute. I am 80% perfectly fine, and then for about half an hour a day, I am a giant weepy mess.
I have come to see that, in life, you can only direct how things are going to be to a certain extent.
Apart from anything else, when you start to talk about cancer you realize how many people get it. Thyroid. Breast. Endometrial. Cervical. Lymphoma. Pancreatic. It’s reassuring – look how many people do awesome! – but unnerving. Why does this happen so often? It makes me think a lot about our environment and how we live.
More personally, this is frightening. It will hurt, and while I have a decent pain tolerance, I am not good at the anticipation of unpleasantness. It’s going to leave a big scar, and it’s hard to think about looking frightening. There are chances of losing my voice; having nerve damage that weakens my arm or my face; gaining more weight; and a lot of other possibilities – some more likely than others.
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On Easter I started to wonder, what if fear is an evil? I hadn’t thought about it quite like that before, and have been considering that since.
“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” – Swedish proverb
“For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
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Here’s a TED talk that sums up my approach to life in general and this in particular. Check it out, please. It’s really excellent, regardless of what’s going on for you.
Sarah,
Keeping you in prayer for strength, to be strong, feel the power and to have a successful surgery, in all aspects.
I have two female friends (one who worked at J&J) who has had thyroid cancer, oner for quite some time. Both have had great surgeons connected with great hospitals. If you want to talk with her, happy to put you in touch. My Nate had thyroid cancer surgery. He’s better and his scar is becoming unoticeable. My female friends too. He’s got some good advice on that. If you want to talk or need something, call me at 732 8829513. Mona
Hey – I for one know that God is not Fear.. Evil wins when we succumb to that. Hang on and know that this prayer warrior has your back!
Still praying for you. So glad to hear everything still sounds positive and you are in the best hands.
That verse in Timothy is my favorite one. I’ve repeated it over and over for years.