Mistaken Identity: 741-860

Stick around till the end for the new award-winner.

The Other Mes have been busy. The juxtapositions are sometimes pretty funny. 

• Inbox Dollars, coupons at a Nebraska Dress Barn, and dulcimer workshops in Illinois
• A LinkedIn group for a Sarasota County, FL teachers’ organization and a fleet of emails for a new employee at Estee Lauder
• Dropbox, PayPal, PlusPlus, Sam’s Club, secondary Gmail accounts
• Gift cards for Toys R Us and Dick’s Sporting Goods
• A medium Pizza Hut pizza with pepperoni and sausage, breadsticks, buffalo wings, and cinnamon sticks in Oklahoma City, and linen trousers from Coldwater Creek
• Accounts to BlackPeopleMeet.com, ChristianMingle.com, The Loan Daddy in (where else) Las Vegas, and eBay (which they used to bid on chain saws)
• Horoscopes, Real People Mag, Woman’s Weekly, bookstore alerts, USAA Movers Advantage, Book Moving, Sport Ngin, Kik, Angie’s List, Ancestry.com, Simply Be, and more
• Flights from San Francisco to Des Moines, from Detroit to Fort Lauderdale, an AirBNB rental in Holland, a EuropCar rental, and plans for Other Me and Chris to visit Sylvia in Kovlam
• Reservations at Balls Brothers Victoria, Healthcare of Ontario Pension Plan information sessions, Casa Vistoso Do Arco in Madiera, and the Young Democrats Association annual national convention in San Antonio
• “Step Up 3” from Walmart in Indianapolis, “You’re So True” and “I Know” by Sean Og from iTunes, and fancy bakeware from Williams-Sonoma
• Appointments with Los Angeles Vision Center, Custom Built personal training  in Merced, 37 Degree kettlebell and spin classes in South London, South Hills Power Yoga workshops in Pittsburgh, Optimum Therapies in Wisconsin, Nether Street Dental Practice in London, and with a rheumatologist for Other Me’s mum
• Kid accounts with Wanelo, Bin Weevil, Good Game Empire, and Adventure Quest accounts (for which Other Me needs to teach her daughter how to spell “princess” properly)
• Cheesecake recipes from Taste of Home
• Hoover washing-machine service in Wales
• Wine, which Marlayna expected would be sent to her but was shipped to Other Me instead
• Literary notes from Lorraine, intended for her teacher at Fresno Pacific University

And, just to be crystal clear about this, they sign up for all this stuff by typing in my address. How hard is it to remember your own email, no matter how hungry for cinnamon sticks you are?

* * * * *

This one is too sweet to be annoyed by, though:

From: Herb
Subject: GETTING OLDER

Sarah hope you are well. I am feeling fine..sounds like that you a busy girl with all the things that you do. Today I went to the golf course and practiced putting, did not hit any golf balls, still waiting for an okay from the doctor. Think about this, you are going to be 8 . My next birthday I will be 86. Big difference. You have a lot to look forward too.

My room mate COCO just woke up and has made his presence know with his growling and grumbling He is my 9 year + cat and follows me all over the house, just wants to be near somebody.

Be a good girl. 0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

Love
Grandpa Birdsall

* * * * *

Ben, Peter, Sheila, Uncle Pat, Arvind, Peter, Jack, and Laura are planning the family vacation at Madden’s in Minnesota. It will include spa services, trap shooting, horseback riding, golf and a professional photograph. Other Me’s have much fancier family vacations than Actual Me. 

* * * * *

Judi’s home from work early. Morgan shared meeting notes. Other Me wrote a truly appalling essay on technology. Molly shared Jason’s welding resume. John sent a copy of Elfreda’s eulogy. Frances shared Alexia’s First Communion pictures. Emelie is providing training for Other Me’s office in Australia. Jake taught me how to make a taco bowl. Rebecca would like to point out that the dirt-bike and four-wheeler payments are both late. Des is selling a stack of stripey Abercrombie & Fitch polos. And Caroline has been a busy correspondent:

From: Caroline
check out the latest boogie night – attached – be great to see you there
amongst the nights entertainment: DJ Fluffy spins her Cheezy Wotzits, DJ Volcanic warms up the Dance floor with some house flavas, Jacks the Door checks you’ve got the right trainers, and the DJ Irena smooths the moves………
it’ll be a larf, do come!!
Caroline
PS Luigi’s do nice, reasonably priced food too and the bar is a good price!!!!

From: Caroline
Subject: Fw: [jubilee-singers] Sorry ignore previous email . This is poster and songsheet. Common 24 Dec 4.00pm
See attached details about lantern making, carols and mulled wine on the common, Stoke Newington, on christmas eve……..
should be lovely……..
Caroline
xx

* * *

I genuinely have no idea what this means.

From: Kay
Subject: Re: Creation template practices!

Samhain Blessings to you and yours,
Hope you are thriving and enjoying the harvest.
Just to let you know we are planning two practices here in 7 Beaver Row – so hope you can make one or both!
This Wednesday from 7.30-10.00pm and Sunday from 3-6pm.
with love Kay

* * * * *

But the new winner of the WTF Trophy – taking over from the lesbian ex-girlfriend of Other Me’s sister who wrote a six-page explanation of their breakup – are the responses to Other Me’s Craigslist ad. She seems to have been interested in gentlemen who enjoy pot, a particular sex act, and sharing their measurements, circumcision status, and photographs of their nether regions – although she seems not to have been concerned with their age or marital status. Unfortunately for Shawn, Michael, Paul, John, Benny, Martin, “Lima Tango,” Patrick, Ray, and their peers, and mostly for me, their eager responses came to me. Excuse me while I bleach my Gmail.

* * * * *

To end on a more pleasant note than that, here’s a little photo of an Other Me namesake that was sent by her mom Monica. She’s the one on the right with the earrings.