Survivor: Vanuatu

The new castaways are announced. You could click on the link above to read about them, or you could save yourself the time, because I’ve summed it all up for you. I’m just so thoughtful, aren’t I?

I don’t have any idea who’s going to win – nothing like that. I’m just mostly looking for who looks least likely to make you want to throw something at the TV. This season, I’m hoping it’s Rory.

Now we wait a month to find out if I’m right.

(Thanks to the Boy for being so up on this stuff and telling me they were posted.)

• Ami. New type: Colorado barista lesbian. She could be interesting.
• Brady. Ex-FBI California boy. Eh.
• Brook – Survivor fan. Rob II. That game is played.
• Chad – New type: one-legged bilingual teacher and dad whose name is really James. Wha?
• Chris – Construction worker. Nothing outstanding right off the bat.
• Dolly – Sheep farmer. The joke really just makes itself, doesn’t it?
• Eliza – 21-year-old student. Jenna Marasca II.
• John K. – Mechanical bull operator/model. Robb II. He looks glassy-eyed.
• John P. – Salesman, hunter. Like Brian the sleazy used-car guy.
• Julie – Native American, adopted, psych student. I’m betting on some Major Psychological Issues here. Probably bitchy when cornered.
• Lea – I don’t even need to read his bio: just from the picture he wishes he was Rupert. And that’s a sad, sad thing to wish. Okay, I did read it. His nickname is “Sarge.” See?
• Leann – Looks a little like Shania Twain, but otherwise seems pretty generic.
• Lisa – Ex-sorority girl, born-again Christian, very big boobs. I don’t think I’m going to like her.
• Mia – She’s from Toms River, so I have to like her. It doesn’t say, but just from her picture I bet she’s a vegetarian. She’s got that little pixie thing going on. That can be cute, or it can really grate.
• Rory – He’s worked in Nigeria, he’s been a counselor, and he’s a Baptist. If he’s not too obnoxious, something tells me I think I’ll like him a lot.
• Scout – 60-year-old rancher lesbian. Yeeees: first out. Yay for all the Diversity, but this lady’s a whack job.
• Travis – Nickname “Bubba.” Heh. Ex-professional wrestler, currently a bouncer (“loss prevention”) at Walmart. Big Tom, without overalls.
• Twila – Looks shy. Older single mom. I bet she’s a crier.