Sarah Morgan
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Their ability to make normally lovely people into incredibly annoying people.
Have Facebook and Twitter some strange power to shut down the lobe whose job it is to consider:
“… Hey, is this of even the slightest interest to anyone else?”
“… Will this make anybody roll their eyes at me?”
“… Am I maybe coming off like a total asshat?”
Apparently, yes. Yes they do.
So I’m taking action. If your tweets or updates include any of the following, I hereby unilaterally and for all time revoke your ability to get hurt feelings for being mocked:
- White whines. Self-explanatory.
- Banal errands. I don’t care if you’re going to Starbucks. I just don’t.
- Emo song lyrics. You listen to this music before you grow a sense of humor. And you leave it in your bedroom where you apply black eyeliner and write in your journal about how misunderstood you are. I did it that way, and I’d appreciate it if you did too.
- Play-by-play. If I care about the game, I have it on, and I don’t need this. If I don’t, I don’t, and I don’t. Either way.
- Topics that have formed the subject of three or more previous posts. The only possible exceptions to this are your own children. And that’s only if they’re real cute.
Otherwise? Frankly? Shush.
Silence can be beautiful, people. Respect the beauty of a bare status.
(A Facebook hate post that has nothing to do with privacy or Mark Zuckerberg. Who would have thought?)
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